ASD PFO VSD BBC

I have a tendency to obsess! My mind can get stuck, moving in rapid circles trying to analyze and conceptualize one subject. This is especially true for health related topics. My job plays into this weakness, or possibly strength I have been given. Give me an obscure clinical picture and I will not only look for possible zebras but also for the unicorns. Horses are boring. More all-consuming and detrimental to my overall well-being is my own health, or rather threats of health decline. Basically, I have a hole in my heart. It has been years, actually more than a decade, since I have had vague cardiac symptoms. Cardiac workups were all relatively normal and it was all blamed on anxiety. "You are just sensitive to catecholamines." Great! I have since accepted that and lived with it. Normal for me is fast heart rate, awareness of every heart beat, shortness of breath with minimal activity and a general sense of being more tired than others. But I have done a good job of ignoring and compensating and living. But now I have learned that there really is a problem...a congenital heart defect...a hole...I don't know exactly what kind or how big this hole is yet. I need another test first. I have earned the most amazing opportunity to have a long probe shoved down my esophagus to get a good look at my heart. I am sure this will feel awesome! (sarcasm) Actually, I really shouldn't feel anything or be aware of anything with the right mix of sedatives. The looming question is, "How will it need to be repaired?" I have found peace with a cath lab repair but am a bit leery of an open heart repair. So I am hoping, praying, and crossing my fingers for cath lab repair. Open heart will take an influx of strength, trust and faith...and probably some daily anxiolytics prior to surgery. My mom and Hez will probably need some too! So hope for a PFO, accept the liklihood of an ASD but hope for ostium secondum asd, doubt the vsd and come on BBC-Your show, "Luther", is way too short! 10 episodes in 2 seasons? You have sucked me in and I am obsessed. Now you make me wait for season 3. mean.